i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
