I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
