I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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