Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
