And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
