How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
