if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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