Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
