your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
