at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I love you. Go after that dick
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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