sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
