If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
