not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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