Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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