I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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