no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
