I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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