does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it glows. i had to have it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
