Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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