and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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