So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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