she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
