I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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