i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
