I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
