i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
