I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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