i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
