he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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