You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
