I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
