Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
