: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
