I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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