i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
