Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
