I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
