does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
