remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You were trust falling into bushes
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
