That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
