JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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