I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
