He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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