Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
