wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
