cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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