Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
