From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
