all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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