Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
