Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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