How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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