Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
