So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
