you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
