Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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