To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
