Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
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I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize