the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
