there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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