It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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