i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
