how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
