Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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