i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
