dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
