Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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