I accidentally had phone sex last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
