yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
