i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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