My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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