Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
