No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
