He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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